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Top Ten Border Patrol Excuses For Tear Gassing Babies


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This is actually a many-years-old comic, originally drawn in response to a baby being peppersprayed by cops at a protest in Portland. (I think this was published in Willamette Week, a Portland weekly newspaper).

I never reprinted or reposted this cartoon, because what’s the point? That sort of thing certainly wouldn’t happen again, right?

Aaargh. I really would have preferred that this cartoon never be current again. (Full disclosure: I don’t know if any actual babies were tear gassed, but small children certainly were.)

I took the old cartoon, changed the uniforms from police blue to border patrol green, and relettered a few panels to make it about border patrol agents rather than cops. Frustratingly, most of the panels required no change at all, other than the colors.


Transcript of Cartoon

This cartoon has eleven panels, the first of which is a title panel.

PANEL 1
This panel shows A baby crying and a nearby Border Patrol Agent hitting a club into one palm, speaking sternly to the baby. A major portion of the panel is taken up by a caption.
CAPTION: TOP TEN BORDER PATROL EXCUSES FOR TEAR GASSING BABIES
BABY: Waaah!
AGENT: Stop being such a baby about it!

PANEL 2
An agent speaks directly to the reader, one hand raised in an “explaining” gesture.
CAPTION: TEN: Wanted to be fair.
AGENT: If I only brutalized adults, that would be discrimination!

PANEL 3
A baby in a polka dot onesie is standing, holding out its hands for balance, and smiling as it speaks.
CAPTION: NINE: Baby was giving agents lip.
BABY: Ga goo! Ga fascist pigs! Aa!

PANEL 4
A border patrol agent walks away from the viewer, hands behind his back, whistling.
CAPTION: EIGHT: Just following orders.

PANEL 5
A baby in a striped onsie is smiling, trying to balance on its feet, and holding a big black ball-shaped bomb with a fuse going “ssssss” in one hand.
CAPTION: SEVEN: It was a terrorist baby!
BABY: Baby wuvs Al Qaeda!

PANEL 6
A border patrol agent is holding one hand to his mouth, in a “whoops” gesture.
CAPTION: SIX: Agent mistook tear gas for a nice lollipop.
AGENT: Oopsie!

PANEL 7
A border patrol agent speaks directly to the readers, looking stern, shrugging.
CAPTION: FIVE: Just doesn’t like babies.
AGENT: They smell funny.

PANEL 8
A baby in a pink onesie is lying on a polka-dot blanket. The baby is wearing a shade visor with a paper that says “press” in it, and is holding a notebook in one hand and a pen in the other.
CAPTION: FOUR: Baby was a reporter.

PANEL 9
A border patrol agent poses, one hand’s fingers pressed to his chest, like a pretentious arteest.
CAPTION: THREE: Throwing kids in cells has grown stale.
AGENT: I need room for growth!

PANEL 10
A baby, scowling, points a gun aggressively.
CAPTION: TWO: Baby gave agents no choice!
BABY: Eat hot lead, fascists!

PANEL 11
A border agent, arms crossed, eyes covered by the bill of his cap, talks to the readers without deigning to look at us.
CAPTION: And the number one excuse is…
AGENT: What makes you think we NEED an excuse?

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