My Blog
15Jan/18Off

Our (Shit)Whole Immigration Policy

This cartoon was first published on Spliter .


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Transcript of cartoon:

Panel 1
A middle-aged or older man, handsome in a grandfatherly way, stands behind a podium wearing a brown suit. He looks stern and serious, and raises his left index finger into the air as he speaks.

MAN: Republican Immigration policy is NOT racist! “American first” is not racist! “Merit-based” is not racist!

Panel 2
A close-up of the man, who is now smiling genially, and shrugging.
MAN: The Republican policy isn’t about anything but MERIT! We want immigrants who can contribute to our society and grow our economy! Judging people as individuals is NOT racist!

Panel 3
Final panel. The man makes a fist and is now scowling angrily.
MAN: Oh, and we don’t want anyone from Africa, Haiti or any of those SHITHOLE countires. That’s it. Bye now!

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15Jan/18Off

White Lies (a sequel)


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This cartoon is actually a sequel, to this other cartoon I did at least a decade ago. It’s interesting (to me, at least) seeing how my style has changed over the years.


Transcript of Cartoon

TITLE PANEL
Fractured-looking letters say “White Lies.” Next to the lettering, a smiling white lady speaks directly to the viewer.
LADY: I don’t even see race!

PANEL 1
A smiling white man explains himself.
MAN: I was only being FUNNY! I mean, “ironic.”

PANEL 2
A white man stands holding a black woman in front of him. To his left, a white woman stands, hugging a little Asian boy, and holding an Asian baby with her other arm. The boy has an image of Captain America’s iconic shield on his t-shirt.
WHITE MAN: I have a Black wife!
WHITE WOMAN: I adopted Asian kids!
BOTH TOGETHER: So nothing we say could possibly be racist!

PANEL 3
A young white man types at a laptop, his coffee cop besides him. Above him, we can see what he’s typing – a social media comment, with “his” picture, showing a pretty Black woman, besides the comment.
He is typing: As a strong Black woman, I think we Blacks talk too much about racism.

PANEL 4
An angry white woman, standing near a fence with some giant sunflowers nearby, talks directly to the viewer.
WOMANL Only monsters are racist! So criticizing me for racism is calling me a monster! How dare you call me a monster? So uncivil!

PANEL 5
A middle-aged white man, wearing a suit vest, collared shirt, and striped tie, stands with his arms crossed. In the background , we can see a huge limo, and a Black man in a chauffeur’s uniform waiting patiently.
WHITE MAN: Who know who’s REALLY discriminated against? White people!

PANEL 6
A young white woman, stands in a coffee shop, holding a cup of tea and a saucer.
WOMAN: I DEFINITELY have a non-white friend who agrees with me.

PANEL 7
A white woman in slacks and a polo shirt sits on a park bench, reading a newspaper (“Daily Opiate”) and speaking cheerfully to the viewer.
WOMAN: Voting for Trump had nothing to do with racism!

PANEL 8
Two white people stand talking directly to the viewer: A man with a checkerboard shirt, and a woman wearing a sleeveless black shirt. The man, spreading his arms wide, has a angry expression; the woman is holding up one finger like a professor making a point.
MAN: When non-whites get ANGRY discussing racism, that proves they’re irrational!
WOMAN: And when whites speak calmly, that proves our opinions are super rational!

PANEL 9
A white woman stands on a golf course, holding a golf club across one shoulder. She looks anxious.
WOMAN: If “Black Lives Matter,” that means white lives don’t matter!

PANEL 10
An angry white man is yelling and pointing at a Black woman.
MAN: The word “racism” is unfair because it shuts white people up!
WOMAN (thought): If only…

KICKER PANEL
In a small panel below the bottom of the comic strip, an angry white woman speaks directly to the viewers.
WOMAN: This cartoon generalizes about white people! That makes IT the REAL racist!

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15Jan/18Off

Toxic Masculinity Stew


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Transcript of cartoon

At the top of the strip, there’s a drawing of various unidentifiable shapes floating in a liquid in a pot. Lettering on top of the drawing, in cheerfully cartoony letters, says “Toxic Masculinity Stew.”

Panel 1
A man in a chef’s shirt talks directly to the viewer. He has a mustache, is bald, and looks to be middle-aged but vigorous. He’s holding a long spoon in one hand and making a “thumb’s up” sign at the viewers with his other hand; there are various bowls arrayed in front of him, with neon green stuff in the bowls, and a big stew pot to his right. (Throughout this strip, all colors are a bit desaturated and dull, other than the neon green.)
CHEF: Welcome! Today we’ll be making “toxic masculinity stew.” Yum!

Panel 2
The chef is stirring some neon green stuff in a pan.
CHEF: We’ll start by sautéing some feelings. We’ll bury these at the bottom of the pot, so no one will ever see them!

Panel 3
The chef hold out a neon-green egg towards the viewer. The egg is visibly cracked.
CHEF: Add a delicate sense of manhood. The slightest thing can make boys feel that this has been shattered! What fun!

Panel 4
The Chef mixes something in a bowl.
CHEF: In a separate bowl, put ht eidea that “the sex” is something held by women. Mix it with the belief that if a man can’t get “the sex” from a woman, one way or the other… Then he’s not a real man at all!

Panel 5
From above the pot, we see the chef’s hand holding a shaker (like a salt shaker) and sprinkling neon green specs into the stew.
CHEF: Now sprinkle in lots of gear of being soft or gentle or vulnerable. Nothing spoils this dish quicker than boys accepting these parts of themselves!

PANEL 6
The Chef holds out a spoon towards the viewer. The spoon is dripping with a thick, neon-green liquid.
CHEF: Simmer for 10-40 years and there you have it… a lovely toxic masculinity stew! It tastes repulsive and bitter, but don’t worry. We’ll force it down.

KICKER PANEL
A tiny panel below the bottom of the strip shows a woman yelling at the cartoonist.
WOMAN: Criticizing how society harms men means you’re anti-male!

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25Dec/17Off

What’s The Difference


Transcript of cartoon:

A woman with glasses and a slightly frightened, anxious expression is in the foreground, speaking directly to the reader.

Behind her, on the left, are three angry student protestors, yelling stuff we don’t hear. A caption identifies them as “college students.”

Also behind her, on the right, are three wealthy-looking white men in suits – one of them is President Trump – who also look angry and are yelling things we don’t hear. A caption identifies them as “governors, senators, president.”

WOMAN: Both sides have scary radicals! So what’s the difference?

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20Nov/17Off

Alt Right Origins


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This cartoon has only one panel.

The panel shows an enormous, dragon-like monster – the size of a house at least – lying on the groun, looming over three reporters with microphones. The monster has a human-like, incredibly ancient face, with wrinkles upon wrinkles. The monster is labeled “racism” on his side.

The reporters give no sign of seeing the monster, Instead, they are interviewing a human-sized puppet that the monster has on its right hand. The puppet appears to be a blonde man, with the sides of his head shaved, and is wearing a white polo shirt with a swastika armband.

The puppet appears to be speaking, but the tail of the word balloon extends behind the puppet’s head and is actually coming out of the monster’s mouth.

MONSTER/PUPPET: We on the alt-right are a brand new movement, created as a response to the bullying of the intolerant left!

A REPORTER: Makes sense.
ANOTHER REPORTER: Darn those college kids!

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20Nov/17Off

Things You Should Generally Avoid Touching


This cartoon was written by Rachel Swirsky. Check out Rachel’s website!


If you enjoy these cartoons, and can spare it, why not support them on Patreon? A $1 pledge matters a lot.


Transcript of cartoon.

At the top of the cartoon, the title is printed in a friendly, 1950s retro font.

TITLE: Things You Should Generally Avoid Touching

PANEL 1
This panel shows two beakers, filled with colored liquid that is bubbling away.

CAPTION: Mysterious, bubbling beakers.

PANEL 2
A Black woman with a wonderful head of hair turns back, looking annoyed, as a hand reaches out from behind her to touch her hair.

CAPTION: Strangers’ bodies.

PANEL 3
There is a sandwich; rising from the sandwich is a vaporous green death skull.

CAPTION: Sandwiches abandoned at nuclear test sites.

PANEL 4
A woman, large with pregnancy, wearing a “baby on board” tee shirt, looks down with annoyance as a hand extends out to touch her belly.

CAPTON: Strangers’ bodies.

PANEL 5
A bunch of vampire bats, including a big one in the foreground staring straight out at the viewer, mouth open to reveal fangs, are flying in the air.

CAPTION: Rabid vampire bats.

PANEL 6
We see the hips, butt and waist of a person, gender indeterminate, wearing pants with a shirt tucked in. A hand reaches out to touch their butt.

CAPTION: Seriously, strangers’ bodies.

PANEL 7
A double-wide final panel.
A white woman talks to the Black woman from panel 2. The white woman has her finger on her face as if concentrating; the Black woman looks amused.

WHITE WOMAN: What if the rabid bats attack AND I have to defeat them with the mysterious beakers but FIRST I have to get a stranger out of the way AND she can’t see or hear me… THEN can I touch her hair?

BLACK WOMAN: That sounds likely.

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20Nov/17Off

Mens Rights Activists, Feminism, and Male Workplace Deaths


If you like these cartoons, please help me make more, by supporting my Patreon! A $1 pledge matters a lot.


Transcript of cartoon:

PANEL 1

It’s outdoors; we can see a row of houses in the background, and some green space with trees. A woman with glasses and a yellow zip-up blouse turns, as if surprised by the man talking to her. The man has blonde hair and is wearing a yellow and orange striped shirt.

MAN: Did you know that 93% of workplace deaths happen to men? But feminists do nothing!

PANEL 2

The woman puts a finger on her chin, in a “I’m thinking” gesture. The man looks uninterested.

WOMAN: Something should be DONE! How about stronger unions, so workers could DEMAND safer workplaces?
MAN: Meh.

PANEL 3

The woman continues talking. The man turns away, looking placidly bored, his hands in his pant pockets.

WOMAN: How about strengthening OSHA, so works safety laws are actually enforced?
MAN: Whatever.

PANEL 4

The man suddenly is yelling in the woman’s face, arms wide, fists clenched, totally engaged. The woman flinches back in surprise.

WOMAN: So how do you think we should–
MAN: WRITE TEN THOUSAND TWEETS SAYING FEMINISTS SUCK!

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20Nov/17Off

Suspects


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Transcript of cartoon

This cartoon has two panels.

PANEL 1
Two police officers are marching a prisoner into a police station. The prisoner is a white man with a huge blonde beard and messy head of hair. The two cops are speaking to a third cop, in the foreground.

COP 1: He had three guns and was screaming threats.
COP 2: It took hours, but we convinced him to surrender.
COP 3: Great job, guys!

PANEL 2
Two police officers, both looking terrified, take cover behind their car and aim their guns. They are both yelling.
COP 1: HIS HAND MOVED!
COP 2: SHOOT!

CAPTION AT BOTTOM OF THE COMIC: White suspect/Black suspect

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20Nov/17Off

Minimum Evidence and the Minimum Wage

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Transcript of cartoon
PANEL 1
The panel shows a scholarly-looking man, wearing a tie, a vest, and glasses, holding up a finger as he makes a point. He’s speaking directly to the readers.
VEST DUDE: Study after study has found that the minimum wage does not increase unemployment. But no study is 100% certain. Virtually all the empirical studies could be wrong!

PANEL 2
The man continues talking to the reader, but is interrupted by beeping from his cell phone, which he lifts to look at.
VEST GUY: We have to be cautious not to jump to any… Excuse me a moment… There’s some news.

PANEL 3
He looks at his cell phone as he speaks, grinning with delight.
VEST GUY: Wow! A new study says the minimum wage causses a big increase in unemployment! This is GREAT! … I mean….

PANEL 4
He is now yelling directly at the reader, arms waving above his head, looking righteously angered.
VEST GUY: HOW DARE THE BIASED LEFT IGNORE THIS IRONCLAD EVIDENCE?!?

KICKER PANEL
In a tiny panel below the bottom of the strip, Vest Guy is speaking to Barry Deutsch (the cartoonist).
VEST GUY: Once again, objective science PROVES whatever I want to believe!

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6Nov/17Off

Dear People Who Are Neither My Doctor Nor My Lover….

This cartoon is a collaboration with Grace Allum. Thanks, Grace!


If you enjoy these cartoons, please support them at Patreon! A pledge of a dollar or two means a lot to me.


Transcript

Panel 1
(This panel is mostly a caption, in large white lettering on a dark blue background. There is a woman at the bottom of the panel, speaking directly to the reader, apparently speaking the words of the caption.)

Caption: Dear people who are neither my doctor or my lover:

Panel 2
(This panel is divided into two subpanels. In one subpanel, a woman with short hair and glasses asks a question with a cheerful attitude. In the other subpanel, a woman in a jacket and collared shirt is speaking with a concerned expression.)

Glasses: Have you had “the surgery” yet?

Jacket: When you guys went to Europe, we all figured it was for “the whole package?”

Panel 3
(There is nothing in this panel but large white letters on a dark blue background.)

Caption: I am never going…

Panel 4
(This panel is divided into two subpanels. In one subpanel, a man wearing a sweater-vest asks a question. In the other subpanel, a balding man who looks like a businessman cheerfully asks a question.)

Sweater-Vest: So did insurance cover the surgery?

Businessman: Well, your wife is postmenopausal, so she doesn’t really miss anything, right?

Panel 5
(There is nothing in this panel but large white letters on a dark blue background.)

Caption: …to tell you…

Panel 6
(This panel is divided into two subpanels. In one subpanel, a woman with tattoos gestures with her hand while asking a question. In the other subpanel, a woman in a striped shirt intertwines her fingers and cheerily asks a question.)

Tattoos: Are the nerves all right? Is everything “functioning?”

Striped Shirt: So I assume you’ve had both surgeries?

Panel 7
(There is nothing in this panel but large white letters on a dark blue background.)

Caption: …what my junk looks like.

Panel 8
(This panel is divided into two subpanels. In one subpanel, a bearded man wearing a tank top asks a question. In the other subpanel, a woman wearing a polka-dot sweater asks a question.)

Beard: Did your wife have to give permission for…you know?

Polka Dot: You’ve had the surgery, right?

Panel 9
(Final panel. The top half of this panel contains only large white letters on a dark blue background. In the bottom half of the panel, we see Sweater-Vest from Panel 4 and the woman from Panel 1 talking.)

Sweater-Vest: Then how can I know you’re really a woman?

Woman: Because I told you.

Footnote at bottom of strip: All dialog based on questions people have actually asked!

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